Transforming Bedtime Struggles into Moments of Connection 

Parenting is hard, especially when it comes to the chaos of bedtime. Between the last-minute meltdowns, sibling squabbles, and the sheer exhaustion of the day, it can feel impossible to keep your cool. And trust me, I get it. Just the other night, I caught myself saying something that made me pause and reflect:

"If you two keep fighting, no bedtime snuggles before bed!"

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew it was wrong. And it even sounded incredibly ridiculous hearing it come out of my mouth that I couldn't help but smile a bit inside. In the past, I might have completely lost it—yelling at all three of my kids or completely shutting down and retreating to the bathroom to cry. The constant bickering and fighting during the last 90 minutes before bedtime often left me so frazzled, just wanting the day to end so I could have "me time."

But here's the thing: I'm not perfect and I'm guessing neither are you - sorry😜. And here's the beautiful truth I want to share with you: repair is possible. Even when I slip up, even when I yell or threaten something I don't mean, it's not too late to reconnect with my children, model emotional regulation, and create a safe and joyful space.

So how did I shift out of that moment of frustration?

The Power of Play

First, I knew I needed to reconnect with myself. Taking a deep breath is my go-to way to reset and connect back to myself. It calms my nervous system and buys me a few precious seconds to not react impulsively. After that, I got creative. I yelled, but in the most silly, slow-motion voice I could muster, “FREEEEEEEZE!” and froze my body and face in an extra silly way.

My kids stopped immediately, a little confused, but then their faces lit up with wide eyes and some giggles erupted. Playfulness is one of the best ways to regain connection and joy in moments of frustration. When we engage in silly, playful moments like this, we’re showing our children that we enjoy them, that we’re safe, and that they can relax.

Once the giggles settled down, I got down on their level and shared how I was feeling. I didn’t try to hide or deny my frustration. Instead, I opened up to them and said, “Oh boy, Mommy’s been struggling tonight. My chest felt tight when I heard all the yelling, and it made it harder for me to breathe. I ended up yelling something at you and that wasn’t okay. What do you think I could have done instead?”

The Beauty of Modelling

When we name our feelings, share how they affect us, and model how to regulate ourselves, we're teaching our kids how to do the same. They’re soaking up this information every second, learning how to deal with their own big emotions. This is modelling at its core, and it's a key strategy for managing your child’s challenging behaviours.

I made a mistake that night, but instead of letting guilt take over, I used it as an opportunity to show my kids that it's okay to mess up. Perfection is unattainable, but growth is possible.

The Power of Connection at Bedtime

And here’s the most surprising thing I’ve learned: Bedtime, which often feels like the end of the day when we just want to collapse, is actually a unique opportunity to connect deeply with our kids. It’s the perfect time to co-regulate and fill their emotional buckets (and without even meaning to, it fills ours too!)

That’s why I created the Bedtime PLAYbook. Parenting can feel like a constant battle, but bedtime doesn’t have to be one of them. Why not turn this daily challenge into a chance to build connection with your child, leaving their room feeling closer instead of drained?

Bedtime doesn’t have to be a struggle. With a little play and a lot of connection, it can become a time that you actually look forward to and no longer dread!

Learn more about my new e-book, The Bedtime PLAYbook HERE

Wanting to transform more than just your bedtime routine? Check out my signature program, Parenting Big Behaviours. In this program, you’ll learn about your child’s brain, how to identify what’s driving their behaviour, and how to grow your own capacity to manage those big emotions.  The information in this program radically transformed my parenting and my ability to be with my children’s big behaviours, and that’s why I want to share it all with you too.  And YES - The Bedtime PLAYbook is an added Bonus item when you sign up!

Learn more about my signature program, Parenting Big Behaviours HERE.